Staring At A New Ceiling

Writing this feels surreal. And yes, I'm actually writing this paragraph manually with pen and paper to keep myself awake. Why though? After all, I'm still sitting in a lecture theatre in my uniform listening to a daunting lecture and occasionally sneaking a toilet break just to get away from the lecturer for a bit. Sounds just like a few months ago. Perhaps it's because I've swapped my college uniform for a chemo one, my lecturer's stripping a rifle instead of a poem and my lecture theare is 4 kilometres away from the shore of an island that isn't Singapore.

It definitely feels surreal when your surroundings drastically change within the span of days. At least it wasn't as drastic as last year. Within months, during the nights I would stare from my bedroom ceiling, to the night spots of Singapore, to the army bunk, to the hospital ward, then back to my lecture theatre. Disorienting would be an understatement. But it wasn't that bad this year, since I already knew what to expect, so the change didn't come as a shock.

Waking up to a different ceiling provokes a most curious response to different people. Being a morning bird, I had the chance to see the reactions of my section mates when they wake up. Some jolt awake in shock at the what-the-fuckness of the situation, their stares screaming how the hell did I get here. While others prefer to stay in denial and hope that snoozing for a few extra minutes will change the ceiling back to their familiar bedroom.

Most of all, staring at the ceiling of my bunk gives me a strange sense of reality. Penning down my thoughts seem surreal at first as it still felt like a deja vu, like I've been lifted off the pages of my life and re-reading it again from the previous chapter. But as the days pass, staring at this new ceiling feels strangely new. I'm waking up to a new day and getting closer where I previously left off.

Sure, the days will only get tougher and more unexpected, but what is life without a little thrill? I bet the Oracle from the Matrix lives her day rolling her eyes constantly from the boredom of knowing what comes next. So I start this new year proper, with a change in surrounding, physique (no more broken leg) and attitude. I start the day afresh from my 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Welcome to the army, soldier.

Hell of A Holiday

At the end of the A levels, I came up with a to-do list of activities, tasks and objectives that have to be met by the time I enlist. Just like Jim Carey in 'Yes Man', that list made me say yes to everything. And true to that film, it brought me to places and experiences that I would never have otherwise achieved. Say it once, say it twice, say it a million times more! Yes! Yes! Yes! It's quite an irony for the actor of Jigsaw in the Saw series to be playing a life coach in Yes Man, but the essence of the message is true. If you grab every opportunity that arises, you won't miss out on much.

Some people say that I'm living my last days as a civilian as if they truly are my last. I couldn't help but agree, seeing how my daily schedule quickly turns into a paradox as I try to cram in things. But I'm a man with a list to finish and not much time to do it. Some say I shouldn't rush everything, but why delay? Plan like you live forever, but live like there's no tomorrow, as a cancer patient once told me. Besides, it won't be long before I'm officially reaching adulthood and youth doesn't last forever.

When you set out with an objective to fill up every inch of your time, you'll realise that you don't really have to do all the planning. It would settle itself. For Christmas eve, I was more than set to spend it hibernating until Christmas morning since I was exhausted. Instead I woke up to a ringing phone with an invitation out on the line and six other text messages with similar invitations. There goes my hibernation plans.

I always thought that the closer it is to enlistment day, the slower time would seem to me, as what I experienced before. But this time it was really different. Time seems distorted in a way that it picks up momentum and speeds up, just that I'm having enhanced reflexes to pick up all the sensations along the way. It's a fantastically exhilarating experience to wake up in the morning to wake up to a text invitation in the morning, have brunch in town before you know it, off in the middle off the sea at midday, and end up having dinner across the straits at night.

All play and no work makes Jack a tired boy. A very tired one. While doing one fun stuff after another is a thrilling idea, actually doing them all consecutively is highly exhausting, as I've discovered. There were weeks when I would have less than ten hours of sleep for the entire week due to back to back chalets and midnight taunts. It came to a point when I was positively beaten senseless, but thinking back to stories from my diver friends of their 'hell week', I found it rather easy to brush them off aside.

With all that time and a dying pool of ideas, you start to look at every little creek of Singapore to squeeze whatever adventures and thrills it can offer. If you look carefully enough, you'd be amazed at what 'lil ol Singapore has to offer. There are still long stretches of greenery to cycle and trek at. And being an island city, there are numerous water sports like canoeing, wake boarding, sailing and parasurfing (I'm not sure what it's called, it's where you ride on a 'surf board' while being pulled by a parachute). This tropical metropolis even offer ice-skating and ice hockey for those who don't mind a chill. For group activities, there are a handful of boardgame cafes, karaoke lounges and LAN gaming centres to entertain the masses. See, outings don't have to be just about eating, even though that really is a Singaporean culture.

Some people get a little creeped out by this over-extrovertedness, as if I'm living the last day of my life. Well, it does seem like what a cancer patient would do. I guess if I were to die now, I'll die happy. But my personal motive was simply to connect back with the people that I have missed out on. Having a whole new school of friends, the exams to focus on, and now national service to face, I couldn't help but block out some people. However, it is not characteristic of me to disregard people, since I value friendship more than anything else in the world. There has to be some point in time where I get to experience everybody, without missing out on any one of them. So I dug out whatever time I could spare and gave a bit to everyone. Call it bringing my college life to full circle, I still relish the memories that has been created with everyone that I call friend.

And that, my friend, is how you end up with a holiday not wasted. The world holds an infinite list of things to do for everyone. Why not incorporate that into your own personal to-do list during your next holiday. 

They say your life flashes past your eyes before you die. They're right.

It's called living.

The Road Warriors

Now that my chapter of becoming a road warrior is over, I have finally come to finish my chronicle my encounters. According to modern lingo, a road warrior is someone who does his work on the move, with the help of digital peripherals. But in my opinion, the true road warriors are those whose work is on the road. They are the taxi drivers, the lorry drivers, the army drivers, and of course, the driving instructors.

Like all teens my age, or at least the male ones, we have a calling for the fast and the furious. We have an inner desire to be speedsters, to take on the wheel and flash by. Such a calling has brought me to take on the first step into being a speedster – to face the evil traffic police and the trials put forth by the army of instructors.

The funny thing about instructors is that they all seem to be quirky. Having enrolled in the 'school' system, I was fortunate to have a fixed group of instructors, but with my last minute bookings, I was often allocated to other instructors. That makes for a more 'enriching' experience, as I get to see the quirks of a handful of instructors.

One thing to note about these instructors is that they all have the instructor set of superhuman powers. Firstly, they have shared vision – the ability to see exactly what you are seeing. They can be fiddling with their pens, or even shaving (yes, believe it. I almost crashed when I saw him doing it), but the moment you take your eyes off the road, you'll get a “Eh, you drive no need to see is it?”. They can even tell if you're looking at the right mirror or not. All of them must have gone through lasik to get compound eyes or something. And then there's the spider senses, you know, like spiderman. They can anticipate danger without even looking. There was this one time, when I was about to take a corner turn, then the instructor e-braked the car. I just gave him a puzzled look, but he replied by pointing to the edge of the windscreen and out popped an old man about to cross the street, as if he was planted there. I swear that these instructors station pedestrians around on purpose.

These instructors are truly diverse. There are the really nice ones – like this very uncle type instructor who coaches me as if I'm a little schoolboy. Kinda childish, but his fatherly mannerism makes you feel assured and safe on the road. Then there are those who gets closer to you by acting as your buddy. Like my unforgettable favourite instructor who first greeted me with a very warm “fuck you lah”. And that my friend, is how you start a beautiful friendship. Despite his less courteous ways, he makes up for it by having a whole bag of tricks up his sleeve. It's these tips and tricks that you want to know to get you through the senseless driving courses, like how to brake smoothly and where to look to straighten the vehicle. Then there was this instructor who looked exactly like my BMT IFC instructor. When I first met him, I was kinda intimidated as he was a big bald guy, and his other lookalike was my former company's public enemy. But before I knew it, he flashed me a dorky smile and gave a hysterical chuckle. Definitely not corporal private enemy.

And then there are the instructors who are just a nightmare. First there's mister sleepyhead. It's irritating when your instructor sleeps on the job. Firstly it's not value for money, since you pay tons for an hour and forty minutes with them. When faced with these buggers, I can't help driving in the circuit at 40km/p and doing jerky turns. It kinda attracts the attention of other instructors. Up next are the super paranoid ones. You can tell they're this type if they keep their foot on the brake, arms crossed and eyes peeled as if they're looking out for the grim reaper. I know it's good to play safe, but how can a trainee drive confidently if the instructor regularly tests the efficiency of the car's braking system?

Having seen things from a driver's perspective gives you certain insight into the mentality of a driver. For instance, while I was jogging, I discovered a highly efficient method of stopping cars. Stare straight into the eyes of the motorist. Nothing scares them more than to potentially see the eyes of a victim if they were to knock you down. Give them that look that says “If you knock me down, these eyes will haunt you till your grave”. Works like a charm.

Seeing the cars zoom by while jogging also provoked some consideration as to what colour my car should be when I get it. I've settled on a dark red. Not the bright cheery red, but the dark bloody type. The red not like that of fresh blood, but of dried blood. Kinda sends out the message to other drivers that this car has tasted blood. That's way cooler than the Ferrari red.

So next time when you see a sinister red car humming by, scurry away. Your blood could be next.

Welcome to my Community (Part II) - The Mama Wars

Once again I find myself jogging around the streets of my neighbourhood. Exams are done and now I have to work off the extra load that came when I fell prey to binging. I shudder to think back at the times when I said, "Econs was horrible, I need some happy food". Besides, the Army is quick to collect it's due, and it won't be long before I stare at a different ceiling when I go to sleep.

So I've covered the roads, and Google Map is not leaving much surprises either. Hence I decided to venture in the areas that the eyes in the sky can't see - the void decks. There's a whole new world beneath the one that most of us live in. Just pretend to check your mail one day and find out for yourself. Be it the Chinese funeral or Malay wedding, the void deck has developed a culture of its own.

I'm no anthropologist, so I don't have the patience to find myself a corner and sit down to watch the people all day. But from what I can tell while breezing past the void decks, I've noticed an interesting trend. There are mama shops everywhere! Like, every other block! It's an invasion I tell you. They're like insects; let one nest thrive and the next thing you know there's an entire ecosystem crawling around. So much so that there's a joke running around. Why aren't the Indians allowed to take the corner kick? Because they would drag a table and set up a mama shop. No offense, there's a few versions of that joke, one of which involving mats. Let's leave that to another day.

Like in every affair, western interjection is imperative.The mama shop industry is no different. With the market thriving, the big American brands has to bear its ugly head. Up came 7-11. They used to have territories of their own, like some clandestine contract they made with the mama shop owners. Prime areas are for 7-11, and the void decks are for the mama shops. For a while, the agreement worked well, and we have become accustomed to it. Then the war started.

Not content with keeping to the highly frequented prime areas, 7-11 decided to break the truce. As I jogged pass one block the other day, there pasted at the bus stop were signs pointing to the new 7-11. It's not located along a series of shops, like the older ones. This one is located at a former mama shop, in one of those older estate bomb shelters. They are everywhere. First they planted themselves among the rows of shops. Then they took the city area. Now they are among us, living right under our noses. It's official - we are being invaded.


So support our local brethren. Even with their sprawled out placements and near-expired sundries. Let's show them that some corners are still ours.

The end of things

Randy Pausch was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University. He gave a lecture at the university titled 'Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams', for a lecture series on what a professor would deliver if it were his last lecture. Unfortunately for him, that lecture really was one of his last, as he was diagnosed with cancer two years earlier and passed away on 25 July 2008. In the lecture, he emphasized on living life to the fullest, setting an example himself by living a full healthy life right until the end, doing what he loved - teaching his favourite subject.

Here's the lecture on youtube, for those interested.


The lecture is truly touching and motivating. Especially the witty head fakes at the end. After watching it (just listening most of the time actually), it got me working on my own list of things to do in life.

There's this age old question; if you can go back in time, would you have done anything different? In a way, my living deja vu grants me that, and I can honestly say that there are many things that one would have kept constant. Of course, there would be the odd fixes and major turnarounds that one would make so that bad history won't repeat itself, but there are just some things worth living through again.

I'm probably saying that because I loved college life, and going back to do it again twice as hard is just a thought too thrilling to pass off. After all, like what Professor Bausch mentioned, life is only worthwhile when you're having fun living it. But all play and no work makes Jack an underachieving boy. There needs to be some form of direction so that at the end of the day, you don't look back and wonder why you did it all.

So in accordance to the Last Lecture, I've made my own list of things to do in life. Here's some of them that I want to share, in no particular order.

1. Write a published article
• I've always had an interest in journalism, but don't really have enough drive to make it my lifelong career. Maybe I'll do some freelance pieces for the local papers,  but more likely to write for some online I.T. editorials. Writing in an anonymous blog is fun, but nothing gives a writer more pride than having his work read by the masses.
2. Co-produce a movie/tv-series episode
• This is mostly because I think most local productions are downright bad. Where do all those quirky aspiring poly students go to after graduation? Are local studios really that bogged down by censorship to the extent of continually producing tasteless shows that are nonetheless amusing the locals? Seriously, I can do better.
3. Feature in a song
• Ok, I don't really have a talent for singing, just a shower songster. Probably should have joined that shower-oke event. But, you know, if I can just be the background supporting vocals or something, it'll be cool.
4. Write a fantasy fiction novel
• Ever since Dan Brown (whose work I've read when he first published, way before it got sensationalised), I've always wanted to write a fantasy novel based on local references. The country has lost some of its past magic due to the rapid urbanisation, but I recognise that there are colourful things in its past that many aren't aware of.
5. Organise a major fundraiser
• Schools usually force you to do some minor stint for the community, simply for the sake of getting the credit for CIP points or something similar. That is such a farce, and it kinda shreds whatever morsel of morality left in me. If I were to do anything for the community, I want it to be big, grand, and glamourous. Like those presidential fundraisers for the US presidential nominees. Why are they raising funds for the future-president anyway?
6. Volunteer for an overseas humanitarian effort
• Singaporeans are always accused of paying off everything, even in times of crisis. Out of sight, out of mind, they say. Instead, I want to one day face these disaster-stricken places to get a firsthand account of how it's really like to be in an underprivileged situation. 
7. Finish 1500m freestyle under 20 minutes
• I don't think my swimming days are over just yet, not until I get a decent timing for my pet event. Until then, I'm not throwing in the towel yet.
8. Go skydiving / scuba diving / bungee jumping / open-water kayaking
• There's something in me that just craves for adrenaline and adventure. Maybe it's from the stifling urban Singaporean environment. Somehow, I see myself waking up one weekend morning and decide to fly to Australia to jump off a bridge. Life really doesn't have to be boring.
9. Make love in the office / college / backseat / plane / hot tub
   
• Like I said, I have an adventurous spirit. And that applies to every aspect of my life. Besides, come on, admit it, it's kinky. Right, right?
10. Die by assassination
• At the end, I want to go off in a blast. Disease, euthanasia, in your sleep? Boring... Can't really think of anything more exciting that this. Maybe to kill off your assassin as you're going down.

Top ten reasons that make you a Singaporean student

A few years back I used to make these kinds of lists all the time. Mostly to mock what it refers to. Well, after a rather extended absence, I decided to bring the lists back. So here's one for your amusement.

Top ten reasons that make you a Singaporean student

10. You can ace subjects like Project Work with minimal effort (or overenthusiastic solo work), plagiarism and made up data.

9. The most important lessons you learnt are those after curricular time.

8. You don't believe 'impossible is nothing' when it comes to finishing revision for exams.

7. Your favourite radio show is 'Muttons Till Midnight'.

6. There's a silver lining. Student discount and transport concession is unparallelled. It even beats the Safra card.

5. You often hang out at MacDonalds, mostly to study the opposite gender.

4. You set off to school before the sun rises and returns after the sun sets.

3. There's a five day work week policy? You don't think so...

2. You measure charity and goodwill in CIP hours.

1. During school holidays, you will naturally have school or homework.

There you go. Hope you enjoy this short entry! Click the 'top ten' tag at the bottom to see other lists that I've managed to dig up from the archives.

Welcome to My Community

This blog was officially dead.

It really does reflect myself. For so long it has lost direction, purpose, and aim. Actually, this blog would have a lot more content if only iPhone has a Blogger client. Oh yeah, I have an iPhone!!! Woohoo! At least there's some cheer in my bleak life. Just so you know, there has been all sorts of clients on the iPhone - Twitter, Livejournal, even Facebook on the AppStore. But bloody Blogger doesn't seem to have one. Of course, I could always use the internet browser, but that's such a hastle and I'd have to bust my bill on GPRS charges. It's not so new anymore, been with me for a few months now, and kind to think of it, I bought it exactly when the April batch of recruits got their new botak look.

Where was I. Ah yes, I've been keeping a journal on my iPhone. Not really a journal, just an archive for my spontaneous thoughts and a logbook to keep track of physical developments. But somewhere in that pile of thoughts, there are still trickles of interesting ideas that I can write about.

So before I start the entry proper, let's just recap. As I'm typing this, it's only 2/3rd through prelims. Can't really be bothered with that, yet again. Another case of procrastination and poor preparation. I can't bring myself to go gungho when I know it's a losing fight. To the markers of my papers, you have my sincere pity and I truly admire your bravery for laying your eyes on such abominable work. CCA season is over again, and you can expect a tribute piece for the CCAs when I have the time (I'll try not to repeat stuff from last year). I'm feeling a little more sane now, though I cannot say for sure until the damn prelims are over.

***

What, you might ask, is the title of this entry referring to. See, I've been jogging every other day lately, ever since my doctor said I can. Those orthopaedic people are really paranoid. It's not enough that I'm jumping around and even representing my college in a swimming tournament, they want my X-ray to look like nothing ever happened. And that's kinda hard when they prodded implants and screws down my leg. Actually, I've been jogging just to show off my freshly toned swimmer body (OMG, I can't believe you just typed that, you vain piece of shit). Just kidding... All these food and exams are really bad for your body. And really, I'm just jogging to get my legs adjusted back to impact, since all I've been doing is just swimming.

Anyway, I realised jogging is a lot like long distance swimming. It lets your subconscious surface in your head, and let you reflect and explore your thoughts (if it's not telling you to stop running and your iPod isn't blasting too loud of course). Jogging has an added advantage though; you get to sightsee and meet all the weird folks of your neighbourhood. Even if you do long distance swimming out in open waters, all you get in Singapore is a very thick coat of oil and the odd piece of rubbish.

My thoughts while jogging inevitably strayed to politics. It always puzzled me how the members of parliament (MP, the politician, not the sort that people curse in NS) can represent the people if they don't truly understand the people they serve. I know there are those who heavily engage in grassroots activities and Meet the People sessions, but what of the elitist and act atas MPs? If any of you MPs are listening, here's a solution: go jogging at your constituency! Not only can you slim down your flabby couch potato bodies, you can see your people in action!

Personally, I think jogging around your neighbourhood is a good way to get to know it. After I moved into this ulu neighbourhood, I realised that there are many nooks and crannies that I never ventured. And boy, is Jurong West a huge neighbourhood to explore. Usually before jogging, I'd plan my route using Google Map. Yeah I know, what a geek. But that's what freely available technology is for; all your whims and fancies.

Every week, I choose a different route. Since I've started varying routes, I've uncovered a few hidden gems. Like the many pedestrian entries into NTU, a beautiful old japanese-style archway in a garden, the Infantry Training Institute / Jurong Camp 2 (like, wth, a military facility among residential estates?!), the quite westernmost private properties, a few measured running paths, and the many, many famous coffeeshops of Singapore. Kinda makes me feel like an urban adventurer. Who ever said Singapore is boring? I bet many people can't even count all the coffeeshops within walking distance from them. It has given me a newfound appreciation for the heartlands.

And I haven't even started talking about the people. We claim that the days of the kampung spirit closeness is long gone. I beg to differ. As I go around the neighbourhood, I can't help noticing the same faces who would give me a quick glance and flash that priceless smile. Though no words were exchanged, I can almost hear their "hello" and sense of warmth. Courteous and friendly people really do exist in modern Singapore, and not just an urban myth that only exist in propaganda videos for the National Day Rally. 

There are of course some characters that stand out among the others. There's ice-cream lady, who would appear at different blocks at my estate. Never really saw anyone actually buying an ice-cream, but she would always be surrounded by people who chats animatedly with her. Then there's square head dog walker, who goes around with a very large hound and a very small puppy (what a couple) and always wearing an Army tank top. Oh and the blank face minah, who I bump into on her way back home. Her expression is not just blank, but positively screaming "I don't know anything!", like I'm accusing her of something. And there's the random groups of Army joggers with their 4 by 2 (or is it 2 by 4?) haircut. Probably specialists from the nearby SISPEC or other camps. Ok, the Army tank top is undeniably sexy, but some people look downright horrible in it. Call me Army obsessed, but I tend to like going past the ITI, hoping to catch a glance of somebody I know. Let's talk about that obsession some other time.

The banglas (fine, Bangladeshi workers) get very irritating when I'm jogging. Even though I'm blatantly running straight into them, there are always buggers who refuse to move aside. Being stubborn, I would just run into a collision course, until the very last second when I decide they don't have the mental capacity to realise that collision could be painful, and chicken out with a quick side step. Other than these buggers, the heartlanders are generally pleasant, and even make jogging something I look forward to.

So there you have it, my community and the people in it. To quote Shakespeare's The Tempest, 'Oh Brave New World, with such people in it'. Amidst the National Day, Pervez Musharraf's resignation, Russia's new war and of course, prelims, I guess the Olympic spirit still prevails. After all, with Singapore's first medal after a 48 year drought, everybody can't help feeling sporty these days.

On companions

Let's face it. When you mature enough and start your life proper, everything moves just too damn fast for you to make really close friends. So I've come to treasure those that I've had the chance to make thus far.

Like what my previous post mentioned, some friends you make are just for personal benefits. But the others, the more sincere ones, are made just for the plain senseless reason of friendship. We're sometimes left wondering why we even stick to them as friends, but friends they still are nonetheless.

Another issue that I've come to realise is the concept of 'best friends'. This term has come to be taken very lightly, and sometimes just as a title. Through experiences, I might have placed this label on one or two people myself. And often not really knowing why.

To me, I've accepted the title 'best friend' as such. They're people that can steal, cheat, lie, and backstab me over and over again, but I will immediately forgive them at a whim. Sounds rather senseless, but for someone who is too paranoid to trust anyone, placing absolute trust in an individual is perhaps a way of making up for it. Of course, this is done with caution and an arsenal of failsafes. But one thing is for sure. I don't think that my decision to do so is something that I will come to regret. And who knows, maybe it might even pay off someday.

About me

Things I thought that I will never confess:

1. I probably know more about computers, security and forensics than I know is safe.
   
2. I'm very violent when not fully conscious. That's why I can never get drunk.
   
3. I'm still confused about my sexuality, but I will never be gay. Assholes are too disgusting.
   
4. I'm a male supremacist. There are generally a lot more better looking guys than girls, even though females outnumber males. That's a bit sad eh?
   
5. I pray just in case. I doubt God bothers if I eat one more species of cattle or get high.
6. I can essentially control all of my emotions. That's why I only look happy. Other emotions are too troublesome to portray.
7. For every insult or mockery thrown against me, I always have a good comeback. I just hold back because they are too harsh.
8. People generally feel good around me. It's not them, it's me.
9. I jack off when I'm bored. That's why I keep myself busy.
10. I don't really care about virginity or promiscuity. A fuck is a fuck, unless you make it to mean more. Just don't be Malay while doing it; have safe sex.

Forget you ever read this.

On New Beginnings

Here I am again, sitting at the balcony with my laptop.

Six months since this blog took on a darker new cover, and it has been in the dark ever since. Alas readers, I had lost the will to write.

Junior college life has curious effects on people. On the outside, everybody looks nothing but happy. New friends come in abundance. Hitting the 18 barrier opened new doors. The mix of school stress and parental pressure created a kind of lunacy that unlocked a new level of elation in us to cope with it.

But on the inside, it's a whole different story. With new joys came new pains. The stress came down like a solid hammer. It makes people do things that are unbecoming of them. 2007 was a great year to be a sophomore. Through all its madness some things got lost. Like my will to write it all down. My inspiration for great tales. My humanity...

Back when I used to write short stories and poems, it felt like I was spilling my heart out. True, they were never personal, but each of them was sowed from a fragment of my heart that bloomed out into a piece of literature. It was never me to be emotionally expressive, but to see a piece of work that you write is like having a daemon, or to wear your heart on the outside to be clearly read. For once, it felt truly human.

That was then. Everbody knows that it is futile to brood about the past. So I am picking up where I left and starting off again. As I sit here dropping advice to freshman junior college juniors, I am myself facing the uncertainty of enlistment. Out of the certainty of turmoil and into the turmoil of uncertainty, as how Khaled Hosseini would have put it.

After fighting the emotional numbness, I finally got myself to pick up the laptop and pen down some thoughts at the balcony again. Actually, much is also due to the books I've been reading. Kudos to Neil Humphreys and Khaled Hussaini for their inspiring work. Once again, I take up the oath to flesh out my thoughts, to hopefully regain the inspiration to spin wonderfully morbid tales and distorted poems.

I can't help to notice that my life and writing take turns being twisted and mundane. Only one way to find out.