Seraphim Anthology #06 - Of books and deeds

It's teachers' day again, and as usual, I made cards for all the teachers. Just to fill in a blog entry, I've decided to post the contents of the cards in here. So here you go.

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Seraphim Anthology #06 - Of Books and Deeds
A poem by Seraphim

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[on front of card, it came with a white rose]

For a pure love
The deepest sorrow
Or joyful times
That may come tomorrow

The white rose

[inside the card]

Want all that you could offer
To become one that really matters
Tree of life, bound to its roots
For one life we live, from flesh to soot
Five days a week, knowledge we seek
Sick of routine, yet everyday we meet
Seven days straight, we loaded our brains
Ate no rewards, yet sorrow and pain
Nine tails of wisdom, persistent to achieve
Tan have our skins, now reward we reap

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Familiar? Yeah, it follows the style of my previous poem. Yeah yeah, not original I know. I fell asleep before I got to prepare the cards, so I did them the morning before I went to school.

Also, each card for each teacher had some additional fun text in them. I guess you might enjoy this one more, so read on.

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[to my English/literature teacher]

"For the purpose of this essay, 'happy' will mean 'to be off one's rocker' and 'teacher' will mean 'nutter'. With respect to the above,

Happy Teachers' Day!"

[to my maths teacher]

Girls = Time x Money
Time = Money
Girls = Money x Money = Money²
Money = √Evil
Girls = (√Evil)²
Therefore: Girls = Evil

So you see, boys are bad, but girls are evil!

[to my physics teacher]

"For every deed, there will be an equal and opposite repayment."
- Newton's law of kindness

[to my geography teacher]

"Through erosional processes such as training, determination, perseverance and kindness, the stack has developed into a wonderful teacher!"

[to my social studies teacher]

"I agree to a large extent that you are a wonderful teacher. From cross-reference and my knowledge of the context, I conclude so."

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Well, my teachers' day went well. Though didn't get to see much teachers... Spent the whole day till 3 at school, sorting out the IT club's 'neoprint' service. Not bad for our first publicity stunt, made more than a hundred bucks.

Didn't get to go back to primary school though, left school late. But did manage to go see a teacher at Mac's! To those whom I met there: nice seeing you guys again! Hope we see each other again soon!

ANNOUNCEMENT
P.S. to Yuqun Pri P6 classes of 2001: Me and the teachers are probably planning a reunion after the 'O's at chalet/buffet/etc. Keep the first week of December free!!! See you there!

Daily Schedule

Saturday

0800 - Wake up - Check organiserW
WTF!!! Malay prelim on Monday!!! Haven't taken mother tongue for two months and now I need to improve two grades in two days?!?!

0830 - Malay practise paper
Bloody hell! I don't even recognise these words anymore!!!

1030 - Still doing Malay practise paper
*hysterical* WHAT ARE THESE WORDS?!?!

1045 - Still at it...
Oh! They're upside down!!!

1200 - Lunch
Nasi lemak! Nasi ayam! Mee soto! I can speak Malay now!!!

1230 - Double check organiser
WTF!!! English prelim on Tuesday! Must clear out corrupted vocabulary of obsceneties in three days?!?!

1300 - English practise paper
Summary of the passage: bullshit

1430 - Still doing practise paper
Replace the following words with a suitable word or phrase
practise english: useless

1530 - Still at it...
Do you agree that the elder should be treated as second class citizens?
Hell yeah

1700 - Triple check organiser
AAAAARRRRRGGGHH!!!!! @)*%&*$&%(^(#@^@$!!! French prelim on TUESDAY ALSO!!!

1800 - RIP

Meet the BOBs #01 - Eh-Oh!

Just a little about my life in school. My clique call ourselves the Band of Brothers, ridiculously acronymed BOB. Recently, a friend of mine (one of the BOBs of course), started a fiction series in his blog (http://cursed-blessings.blogspot.com) that garbles about some of our adventures in school, in a farfetched exaggerated way. It was decided that I do a prequel for the series, covering how the clique first formed.

So here I am succumbing to fate and writing this prequel. I know that most of you probably won't understand it since it includes a lot of internal jokes (though I'll try to make it understandable). I'm writing this mainly for the sake of our own laughter, so what the hell. Hope you guys enjoy it!

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Meet the BOBs #01 - Eh-Oh!
The Band of Brothers

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"Holy shit, look up guys!", exclaimed Mobie to his zombie-like companions.

It was early in the morning of 2002 that the three of them met, on a short flight of stairs underneath a stretch of walkway. Above them, a group of senior girls were making their way to class.

Kimmy replied, "---- [EDIT] He drooled.

"Maybe if they don't notice us, we could do this all day...", fantasied Mobie.

That was short-lived however, as moments barely passed before before the silence was broken. "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A G-STRING!!!", enquired Shaibouzie with full intent.

The other two just gave him a cold stare. "WHAT DID I DO??? I know! Let's call this blessed passageway The Perverted Road to Hell!", Shaibouzie remarked, trying to flair some intelligence.

Thus started the clique, with the three founders. Let's intro them a bit.

Meet Mobie, Owner of Cursed Blessings. 170cm tall, not all that fair, spiky hair and seriously needs to gain some weight. Part time Deep Thinker, Full time Idiot and the Family Playboy.

Meet Shaibouzie, No blog owned. 168 cm tall, not all that fair, wires for hair, needs to go on a diet and needs to stop using a towel to wipe his face. Overtime Idiot and Elephant Man.

Meet Kimmy, Owner of kim productions. 172cm(plus minus) tall, not all that fair, aspires to be a golfer and like shaibouzie, needs to go on a diet. Part time Deep Thinker, Usually never with the rest and failed philosopher.

"Cool, so now we own a Perverted Road to Hell. That would so please God", commented Mobie cooly.

"Mwuahahahaha! Not anymore! I shall claim the Perverted Road to Hell as mine instead! Mwuahahahaargh*cough,cough*haha!". From the bottom of the staircsae, an enemy approached. It was none other than the formidable Buffalo King Herald.

"You!", said Kimmy. "As our enemy, we must... Err... Screw, no. Thank, no. Defeat, no. Smooch, no. Oh yeah, defeat you!"

"Quick! Hit him with a stick and a ball!" instructed Mobie.

Shaibouzie looked around. "I can't find a stick!"

"You're staring at it!" came the reply from Mobie.

"Now, where do I get a ball?" said Shaibouzie.

"You're staring at it!" replied Kimmy this time.

"So where am I aiming at?" asked Shaibouzie.

"Find a weak spot. The neck!" replied Mobie.

"I can't see one!" Shaibouzie shouted back hysterically.

"Just hit me!!!" cried out Kimmy.

"Alright. Here goes nothing", said Shaibouzie. He lifted the ball, found it too heavy, and decided to just hit it from the ground with the stick. He held the stick firmly from the base of the neck and swung hard. With a *swoosh* and a *whack* and a *crack* and an *OW*, Kimmy shot off towards Buffalo King Herald.

"Hahaha! You can't defeat me with that!" sneered the neckless king. Kimmy kept coming towards him. "Holy shit! The smell! The smell!!!"

And with that, the founders of the BOB won their first battle. As they were glaring themselves at the blazing sunset from behind the girls above them, they wandered at what would come next.

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So there goes the first part. Comment people, comment!!!

Rafahn Ranting in Red

Rafahn

Recently was big baby Singapore's 40th birthday. Kind of makes you think, for a person, 40 years is quite old already. Thank god countries don't suffer menopause or impotence, I think.

Some people say life starts at 40. If you ask me, it's more like your paying life starts at 40. Once at that age, you seem to be paying for everything now: your bills, your children's bills, your wife's shopping, your children's shopping, well you get what I mean. Seems like Singapore is no different. We're paying extra for simple things like water and getting your car on the road.

So there I was, in Farhan's head, on the bus after having missed a stop. Again. I was thinking at what makes Singapore, well, Singapore. Looking out the window, it's quite easy to recognise. It's one of the only places with distinct fashion. There's the Chinese in tank-top and shorts, the Malays in tapered pants and the Indians in... What do they wear again?

Then there's the shopping centres. If you think about it, there's a shopping centre at every MRT station. Counting in the other shopping centres, that's a lot of shopping places. Add those two up and you'll have a shopping centre every two kilometres! You can imagine a marathon with shopping centres as pit stops.

"Oh no, that runner looks like he's not gonna make it. Just a little more and you'll be at Causeway Point, where they're having a 50% discount at Metro storewide!"

"SALE!!!", vroooooooom!

Sometimes, when I pass by the more ulu forested areas, I like to imagine myself in another country. You know, to destress from bustling Singapore. But the moment I turn back into the bus, you see the auntie beside you saying, "Wah, Singapore so hot hor!"

And you know your fantasy's over.

Well, being in Singapore isn't all that bad. At least you get to demonstrate your democratic abilities. Probably once in your lifetime, hopefully.

It looks like our Excellency will be running around for another six years. No one else seems to be up to face his 'dark' wrath. We can't say that's a bad thing either, after checking his profile. Turns out that Mr High Pants has done quite a bit. To date, he's been a social worker, director of the security and intel dept, Foreign Affairs permanent secretary, executive chairman of Straits Times Press, commissioner to Malaysia and president of good old Singapore. Phew, that's quite a list. So he really does do more than pop up and smile at events.

Taking a look back, the other presidents don't seem as flashy. Let's see... First we have Yusof Ishak. He literally was a figurehead, just to take the place as Head of State until he died 5 years after taking his post. To date, he has... his face on our money.

Benjamin Shears wasn't such a bad guy. Being Eurasian, makes us wonder if the British set him up to take care of ickle lil Singapore back then. They've got good reasons, the previous president died just to have his face on money. Shears was an obstetrician (a person who enjoys a woman's squeal as she gives birth) and taught at the University of Malaya (teaching.... how to squeal?).

Onto the next race, Devan Nair. The races seem to take turns here. He had his fair share of political achievements, but who in the right mind would be president of Singapore then live in Canada? He would. He did leave us a nice joke. Your know, the one with his wife screaming "Nair! Nair! Fire!" in the kitchen, which led to the '995' telephone hotline.

Singapore was lucky to have a people's person for the next president. Wee Kim Wee was highly popular, with experience as the chairman of the Singapore Broadcasting Corporation, now called MediaCorp. At least he enjoyed his last days here until his bladder burst him to death.

Finally! Singaporeans used democracy! First elected president was Ong Teng Cheong. Left a legacy of arts that gave birth to the Esplanade and Singapore as an arts hub. The guy kicked the bucket at a suspicious age of 66.


Having seen all that, I guess Mr High Pants isn't so bad after all. Hope he leaves us more than just his face on our money.

Roaring in Red

From right behind me, there came a steadily pitching hissing noise. I turned around just in time to see the projectile give a loud "bang", and turned into a most amazing spectacle of fireworks that close to the ground.

The date: 9th August 2005, place: Jurong East Heartland Celebration. Yes, I was one of the thousands out in the open on the night of the National Day.

"Do not ask of what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

This saying has been proven true through and through, though around us Singaporeans still practise their hobby; complaining. They complain about the government, the weather, the educations system, anything imaginable. Now let us just consider the otherwise for a second. What has the country done for us?

A Singaporean would enjoy a lifetime of democracy, meritocracy, freedom of speech (compared to restricted speech elsewhere, this freedom is more than you think), a thriving economy for an island thought impossible to survive, sufficient welfare services, uncorrupted governance, freedom in religion, a voice for every ethnic group, protection against prejudice, sanctuary from terrorism, among many other benefits. Students further enjoy the edusave reduction, a comprehensive economy-driven education and a merit-based system.

With all of these, who would in the right mind still ask what the country has done for them?

Around me, people of countless differences were gathered. Their eyes told me of one purpose: to celebrate the nation's independance. I could only understand why they would want to commemorate the independance of the nation that has given them so much. Looking back at the crisis that made us instead of break us, I truly acknowledge the existence of the Singapore spirit. A nation can unite.

Racist? Maybe. Patriot? Definitely.

With forty years of wishes,
Happy Birthday Singapore



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The WIlderness Series #02 - Behind These Wandering Eyes

Rafahn: Well, I've been rotting in Farhan's head long enough. Since he's down, I'll be doing a full-length article this time. Can you believe it? An article of my own!!! So, I'll make do without all the crap that Farhan always comes up with and share with you something that's close to your hearts. So.... enjoy!

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The Wilderness Series #02 - Behind These Wandering Eyes
An article by Seraphim

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We've all gone through life, had a fair share of its hardship and shed a few tears. But the most memorable moments were the ones when we shared with a loved one. Speaking about loved ones, it's interesting to note how a guy can change when they face their counterparts. Today, let's take a look at some of these 'transformations'.

The Playboy
This is an obvious category; the name says it all. This guy is a sucker for relationships. Often we'll find him having more than one relationships at once. Let's not call it two-timing, let's call it multi-tasking. Commitment is a non-existent word for this guy. What pleases this chap are things that usually pleases his eyes. Like a busy fisherman, he'll reel in all the fresh, pretty fishes that comes near his line.

The Obsessed
While the Playboy is a sucker for relationships, this guy's a sucker for a specific girl. There's a slight understanding of commitment to him, at least as long as his obsession lasts. The distinct tell-tale sign of an Obsessed is the way he acts towards his girl. His fingers would twirl around his cellphone, bracing for an SMS from her, he can never keep her out of his conversations, and the ultimate confirmation of an Obsessed: he would die if his girl doesn't wave back. Yeah, I can hear the "ooh"s and the "ah"s already. You know what kind of person I'm talking about here right? A little like the Playboy, an Obsessed gets obsessed with a person who would catch his sore spot. If a girl were to find herself in the grasp of an Obsessed, don't reject him. Clean out his pockets first, he'll gladly do it.

The Desperado
This is an easy one to figure out. This guy's just plain old desperate. He's the type who's either new to relationships, became a host to newly raging hormones or been out of a relationship for too long. It's quite easy to recognise a Desperado; he'll try to catch anyone within his grasp. Either for a friend or a relationship, he'll grab them all. Usually likes to make known the fact that he's a real man and that he's got the girl to prove it. This guy wants to get the type that he wants, but beggars can't be choosers like they say, so he'll just grab them as they come.

The Family Man
This type's been getting more popular over the years. This guy's got a bit of the Playboy in him, but the difference is he won't admit them as relationships. Confused? Try replacing the word "girlfriend" with "sister" or whatever crackpot name they could think of. Does that ring any bells? We have to give them credit for one thing though, for calling their girlfriends 'sisters', they get one huge advantage: they can have as many girlfriends as they want without being accused of two-timing. Smart eh? I mean, it's logical, you can't have many girlfrineds but you can have many sisters. Man, this guy could have enough simultaneous relationships to make Playboy jealous. Like I said, this guy would never confess his love for his counterparts, calling it 'brotherly love' or something. Ugh, lame...

The Elephant Man
They say an elephant never forgets. I say an elephant has one hell of a thick skin. Just like our Elephant Man here. This guy's got a bit of the Desperado in him, with the difference being he doesn't acknowledge his own desperation himself. A master of drama, he'll act as if people actually think he's the hottest thing on legs, but of course the truth is much far off. Realising this is an impossibility for him, as he'll be obliged to keep thinking of his dellusional hot self. I guess there's no need to describe how this guy looks like; everything that's not what he says.

The Prince Charming
Don't get me wrong, the Prince Charming isn't the handsomest of them all. Hey, it's hard to keep beauty in royal blood you know. The Prince Charming is simply a guy who can keep his relationship (that's singular), quite a diversion from the guys above. He's not the sick one like the Obsessed, not dellusional like the Elephant Man and definitely not a Desperado. Just a guy who has a good old clean relationship, the classic type. That's not to say this guy's perfect. His imperfections? Er... I'll have to think about that...

The Lone Wolf
Aha, the final one on the list of misfits. Let's just get to the point here. This guy walks alone and wants to stay that way. Que themse song "Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams", heh. That's not to say he's gay either, since I'm talking about guys here, not people in between. This guy just wants to walk the lonely road on the boulevard of his own dreams. He doesn't mind it. I think.

So there you have it, the different classifications of the male mindset. Go figure out which one you are. Remember, in the real world, they tend to mix and match, so have fun classifying yourselves!