Staring At A New Ceiling

Writing this feels surreal. And yes, I'm actually writing this paragraph manually with pen and paper to keep myself awake. Why though? After all, I'm still sitting in a lecture theatre in my uniform listening to a daunting lecture and occasionally sneaking a toilet break just to get away from the lecturer for a bit. Sounds just like a few months ago. Perhaps it's because I've swapped my college uniform for a chemo one, my lecturer's stripping a rifle instead of a poem and my lecture theare is 4 kilometres away from the shore of an island that isn't Singapore.

It definitely feels surreal when your surroundings drastically change within the span of days. At least it wasn't as drastic as last year. Within months, during the nights I would stare from my bedroom ceiling, to the night spots of Singapore, to the army bunk, to the hospital ward, then back to my lecture theatre. Disorienting would be an understatement. But it wasn't that bad this year, since I already knew what to expect, so the change didn't come as a shock.

Waking up to a different ceiling provokes a most curious response to different people. Being a morning bird, I had the chance to see the reactions of my section mates when they wake up. Some jolt awake in shock at the what-the-fuckness of the situation, their stares screaming how the hell did I get here. While others prefer to stay in denial and hope that snoozing for a few extra minutes will change the ceiling back to their familiar bedroom.

Most of all, staring at the ceiling of my bunk gives me a strange sense of reality. Penning down my thoughts seem surreal at first as it still felt like a deja vu, like I've been lifted off the pages of my life and re-reading it again from the previous chapter. But as the days pass, staring at this new ceiling feels strangely new. I'm waking up to a new day and getting closer where I previously left off.

Sure, the days will only get tougher and more unexpected, but what is life without a little thrill? I bet the Oracle from the Matrix lives her day rolling her eyes constantly from the boredom of knowing what comes next. So I start this new year proper, with a change in surrounding, physique (no more broken leg) and attitude. I start the day afresh from my 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Welcome to the army, soldier.